i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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