just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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