Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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