I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
