Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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