Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
