margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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