I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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