were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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