He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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