I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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