i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
