everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
