All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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