do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
