I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
