Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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