k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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