trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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