im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
