i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
