mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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