youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
