I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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