So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
