guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
