The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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