I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
