first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
