You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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