I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
