Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My liver just broke up with me...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
