I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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