i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
