We're facebook friends in real life
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
