something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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