So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
