this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
