Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
