So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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