guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize