He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
