There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
