is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
