My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
