If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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