You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Those nachos came to me in a dream
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
