Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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