i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
