Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
