I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
