Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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