i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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