He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just found a bag of teeth...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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