i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
