Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
