you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
