so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i believe in u and ur pee
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
