I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
