About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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