how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
