Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
