is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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