i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
