What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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