everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
