I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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