Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
