She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
