This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
