If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Randomize
