Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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