Soap is not a condiment
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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