What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
